Trekking with Me

"Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me!" Psalm 66:16 The story of Hannah is one which most women can identify; a woman who has this deep desire, a desire which tears her soul up in anguish at times.  One which she tries to ignore, push aside, surrender, give up, and not allow to control her, yet... it is there, by design, on purpose... because she is a woman by nature.   Her heart is created to have these things .... this thing.    Even when we have... other things that are gifts to our hearts; a great community, love of friends, a husband, even significant roles we play.. there often is something that is missing... and though the desire can go dormant... it raises it's head in seasons, year after year... haunting us... and we feel the deep grief of the lack. Hannah's grief can be felt by us all as we read her story.... we all know that feeling, and anguish... whether it be for a wayward child, a husband, a child, lo...

I have just begun reading a book called Searching For Home by M. Craig Barnes.  The first chapter has brought me to tears as he describes the common human plight and deep desire for home, that wells "up from the soul." The first chapter ends with these words about hope: " The entire biblical story depicts men and women roaming from one disconnected experience to the next, unable to be at home where they are, uncertain that they will ever find where they ought to be.  Eventually, we just built a tabernacle or a temple and occasionally worshiped a God who seemed far away. But just as God was never one to settle or remain in exile, neither can he resist entering the dark wood to find us and join us on our nomadic, meandering journey. We thought we were stuck in just another day through the purgatory or hell from which there is no escape.  But from the perspective of heaven, there is purpose and even direction to our days.  If may be hard, after all these years, t...

I hope you are enjoying a Sabbath's rest today, every day.   He is our Rest.   I can't help but share what God gives me, when He rocks my world, or touches me to tears.  This happened this morning.  I was driving to church, accompanied by my new roommate, Megan.  We were noticing the beautiful fresh baby green leaves filling what only a week ago was barren and naked limbs.  How quickly it seems these little leaves fill the trees, filtering the early morning sunlight;  it was radiantly beautiful.    It triggered a memory of something God impressed upon my heart a few years ago.  Growing up in Florida, I lived very close to a pretty large fresh water lake.  Several years ago, we experienced a drought and a huge explosion of land development in my area.  Both of these factors affected the level of the lake to sink significantly.  The waterline was a good 50 to 100 feet beyond the closest dock, which in normal rainf...

HEY!  It's Friday!  There must be something wired into the Day of Friday.  There is a fresh energy in Friday.  It may have something to do with it being the end of the week, we have two days ahead of us that are free.  Weekends are wonderful :-)  Even when it is booked with activities, they are activities usually chosen, not assigned.  Anyhow, I have a full weekend ahead... it should be an adventure. This morning I am happy over Spring... it's in the air! I had to laugh at myself earlier this week.  I have been a little stressed, on the anxious side of things, because of money.  Ugh.  I am so thankful God takes care of me, abundantly, and yet sometimes the financial monger sneaks up behind me and bites me.  I limp about for a few days or weeks, I begin to have a complaining, whining tone to my voice, my sleep becomes fretful... and well, I wonder what is wrong with me.  This past week after one particularly bad night of sle...

The sun is shining today.  It's cold for this southern, Florida blood gal, so each ray of sunlight gives me hope that Spring will come.  This morning as I drove the back roads to work, I felt a little dismal in my soul: the trees are naked, the sky was a little on the grey side, it's been overcast, rainy and dreary a few days too many for my taste.  Though I enjoy the change of seasons as opposed to the lack in Florida, I don't relish that winter seems to drag on.  I know blossoms and buds will soon enough burst but I just kind of felt the weariness of winter this morning.  I have other reasons for feeling a little on the down side of things today, that is just life sometimes.  But, I am having a good hair day. (smile)  I am enjoying my sub assignment today, though the first class viewed a movie that was emotionally moving. That happened a few weeks ago in another class who watched "Blindside": though I had seen that one before, somehow,...

I am finally having success with my pancakes.  My history with pancakes has been dismal.  You can even note the near-failure cakes at the bottom of the stack.  They are on the darker side.  Not the most preferred color for pancakes. Yesterday I had a perspective change.  My brain had grabbed onto a familiar thought that in recent months has turned into a cyclical pattern: round, and round, and round.  I am really good at ruminating.  Wish that burned calories: I would never have to go to the gym. As my brain seemed to buckle down in this cyclical mode, it was gently interrupted. "What is the base of your perspective?" From what belief are you looking from?  Uh-oh, my base was not on God's goodness or power. At about that time I noticed a big dark luminous cloud rolling into the horizon.  A few days ago I ran across a passage in the Scriptures that said we see God's power in the thunder and the rain. "Is the arm of the Lord too s...

The eternal God is your refuge,      and underneath are the everlasting arms.   He will drive out your enemies before you,      saying, ‘Destroy them!’  Deut. 33:27 I love that God is my refuge... a very present help, a strong, solid rock.  I love that His arms are under me... holding me, assuring me, giving me strength.  I love that it is HE that drives our enemies out... destroying them.  I love you Lord, You are my strength!

Been up in Genesis this month.  I am always blessed to re-read the stories found in this book of the Bible - the foundations of our Faith.  This time through God has put new lenses, fresh receptors and Heaven's version of Pixy dust over the lives of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob... and Joseph. My heart is racing even now as I just finished reading through chapters 48.  Joseph as just brought his sons to his father, Jacob, to bless them before he dies. I am so overwhelmed as I see the fresh humanness of these faith founders - they did not know they were God's first few boulders of the Nation of Israel, ultimately the seed of Promise was coming through them. How Jacob's words resonated with my own words in times of disappointment and spiritual blindness, lending to hopelessness, when he is faced with the demand that his beloved Benjamin was required to return to Egypt when they would need provisions again, "everything is against me."  When in only a breath, he woul...

I love how God is with us.  He is so tender, so gentle, so patient... so good. There are many things in my heart and mind and life that tempt me to get all wound up, worried, anxious, perplexed.  I usually have a hard time leaving something alone too.  I pick at it over and over and over... like a child who just can not leave well enough alone and spoils the surprise with immature impatience, a lack of trust. Last night, after a long, busy week, I was thankful to have a few hours to sit in my favorite chair and spend time with the Lord.  I even had to be disciplined in doing that, as I was tempted to disengage with the TV, but I knew my Spirit was hungry for the Lord's Presence and honestly, my quiet times have been getting slim in quality and in quantity; when i feel myself getting to that point, a song rises in my heart.  I don't even know who sang it, and I have not heard it in years - but the words are... "I miss my time with you, those moments togeth...

I am officially looking for a full time job.  My current job has exhausted itself; my program is coming to a halt with only my internship to complete.  Finishing my internship will take a while I am guessing and right now it looks like a very haphazard thing; a little here, a little there... So, I must look for fulltime employment. Hunting for a fun job, in this time and place, and always with me being the hunter, is a challenge!  I have a few things on my resume that look good and are very helpful, but I admit i feel very intimidated, scared, weak, and unacceptable.  Talk about vulnerability.  I hate hate "selling" myself.  hate. it. Being Chosen is my favorite.  It's everyone's favorite! When I look back over my career path, 9 out of ten of those were handed to me.  Seriously, once i simply walked on the premises and a lady met me on the sidewalk in front of the main office and offered me the job! So, I sent in my first resume this morni...

One thing that God is showing me more and more is He is a LOVING God and HE is here with me - with us!! In the past years I have had some dark days when I felt just the opposite: in the recent few years God has been peeling back those layers of lies that I allowed to lay over my heart and mind. So much like Eve... doubting God's intention to be her everything and give her more than she imagined - in His Way and Time which is beautifully perfect... In the last few days I heard a message that pointed out something A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. He takes us into the desert to build up our discouraged hearts... so we can be strong in Spirit.. and like John the Baptist ... every single one of our actions will point to Jesus. I can not even tell you how many truth lessons have been pointing to His Greatness, His Love, and His presense and His desire for me to totally depend on Him, Trust Him... Love Him completely lately. As I see this truth, this purpose... more and more, my stubborn independenc...

I love the story of Lazarus.  I just finished reading it.  There are so many aspects of this story that can be unfolded to reveal God to us.  The whole incident is  - "so that God's Son may be glorified through it." As I read through it, I noticed a few things and I played with a few of the words: In verse 5, I played with the names...  "Jesus loved (Tammie) and her (friends) and (others Tammie cares about)...." I also noticed how often the phrase, "But, Lord..." or "But Rabbi..." and a few other "but..." statements; I love Jesus' kind reminder in verse 40, "Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?" How often I am hit with challenging circumstances and heavy thoughts, find myself kneeling before My Savior, heavy-laden and distraught... "But Lord...." He is so patient. It seems odd to look at that phrase and realize the two words I am using; "But" casts doub...

I have been praying a lot about direction and guidance lately. This next 12 months of my life will finish my program here at CIU and I have no clue what my life will look like when I am finished. Anxiety shakes my soul like trimmers of a far away earthquake; yet I know He is faithful and will show me one step at a time. I came to Him this morning with the concern a bit more festered up than yesterday - not sure why some moments are worse than others, but I lifted it up to Him - I prayed, "Use this to show me what YOU want me to see Lord." He reminded me.... “The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands.”- Psalm 138:8 God has been blessing me so much in the last few weeks with new insight, I know He is using this quiet summer to help me see Him differently, address some old fears that hide in the corners of my heart and heal wounds that fester up with loneliness. I rejoice over the way He has ...

I confess: I hate making decisions. I also hate it when no one makes a decision. Choosing a restaurant, a movie, menu item... not monumental but still a decision. It is the monumental ones that leave my knees shaking. When I was younger there was a pretty strong teaching about "missing the Will of God!" Scary! What if I choose the wrong college? What if i choose the wrong vocation? What if I choose the wrong spouse!? I was very young when that last one became a fear in my mind; maybe 10 or 11? I was encouraged a few weeks ago when I went to lunch with a bunch of gals and we began sharing about our pre-teen/teenage loves: I was in love with Michael Hasselhauff when I was 8! Ha! It is pretty normal for little girls to dream about meeting their prince; we had some good laughs over how we saw these men through rose colored glasses. Anyone remember they childhood dreamboat? Would love to hear! So, back to the topic... decisions, God's Will... The "what if's...

Psalm 61:1-4 Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. Selah Psalm 121 I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

It's been cold and dreary the last 5 weeks. Peeps I love are moving away, changing location, preparing to leave, disconnecting from my immediate circle, and I am feeling the loss. Thoughts of "what's next" and "where am I going" assail my mind and being...; fear of being alone is knocking at my door and trying to enter my heart. I have let that fear in before; it is an unwelcome and a rude guest. So, I am holding my hand on the lock. I am feeling the desire for someone to just hold me; to wrap me up in their strong arms to assure me that I am not alone, I am secure, and loved. These are real emotions and thoughts; I am just putting it down here. I am a real person. BUT I have a REAL God who is my rock. I am clinging to that Rock, and hiding in the shadow of His wings, knowing that the storm of these feelings will blow over, the sun will shine and His love will hold me and guide me. This journey of Life is hard sometimes. I know this season ...

I CAN NOT wait for the moment when God gives me a man that I can kiss without shame or hesitation and say, "I love you madly!" ...So the whole world will see.....yeah, that is random, but I thought I would let ya know now.... I believe ONE DAY it will happen! I can't believe i just posted this...........

Yesterday was a great day. I couldn't NOT make a note of it. I have been making a mindful effort to work on memorizing scriptures - two a month. The LPM blog sent out this challenge as our new years challenge - to make this truly a JESUS year, to be transformed daily - this means, washing out minds with the Word of God. I can testify that as I have made this effort, I have felt more steady in my days and hope and joy are bubbling over the rim of my heart. So, yesterday - I woke in a happy mood but i had a few strings of "worry" that were trying to keep the wings of my heart from experiencing the beautiful winds of the New day. I had one of those "moments in time" as i was getting ready for my day. You know, like when it feels like someone pauses everything, the scene is frozen and etched in your mind, and God speaks Life - and you have a choice to receive it or ignore it. I was in the hallway between the bathroom door and my office door and the words of...

Two weeks from now i will be in South Carolina - house hunting...job hunting. Moving. Part of me looks forward with great anticipation to the new challenges and opportunities that lay on the horizon - as BM said, "Your future is in front of you!" How exciting! I have a journeying heart and i enjoy adventures...Yet i am finding my roots have gotten deeper here in my present home and pulling them up is beginning to cause some pain and a little anxiety. I confess, i have moments when i look around me and say, "what am i doing!" Things are going pretty well here, i feel secure here and quite comfortable...yet, i am following a call in my heart that has been there for a long time. I am stepping out into a new trail - one i have been eyeing since i was young. The Calling i believe God designed for me. So inbetween exhilarating emotions that nearly make me want to fly to SC right now and a maternal pull to stay put, not wanting to uproot...i am learning to be stil...

"As they pass through the valley...they make it a place of springs..." This past week has been a valley week for my family and I. As some of you know who are close friends, our little Oliver Isaiah never breathed into this world, but breathed in the breath of Heaven - seeing Jesus before any of us got to meet him here on this earth. To say the least, it has been a shock. A little baby....gone. Many thoughts, many emotions, many tears....and yes, questions; yet the evidence of God's grace in the midst of the trial is undeniable. The loving arms of the Body of Christ, of family members - helped bring comfort as they wepted with us in the sorrow. In times like these, questions do rise, comments are said that make you think and ponder....one of those comments that kept coming out was "this will help you as you minister to others..." I tried to process this comment...I know that God uses the things in our lifes to enable us to be able to touch others...b...