A Gentle Quiet Whisper
Two weeks from now i will be in South Carolina - house hunting...job hunting. Moving. Part of me looks forward with great anticipation to the new challenges and opportunities that lay on the horizon - as BM said, "Your future is in front of you!" How exciting! I have a journeying heart and i enjoy adventures...Yet i am finding my roots have gotten deeper here in my present home and pulling them up is beginning to cause some pain and a little anxiety.
I confess, i have moments when i look around me and say, "what am i doing!" Things are going pretty well here, i feel secure here and quite comfortable...yet, i am following a call in my heart that has been there for a long time. I am stepping out into a new trail - one i have been eyeing since i was young. The Calling i believe God designed for me.
So inbetween exhilarating emotions that nearly make me want to fly to SC right now and a maternal pull to stay put, not wanting to uproot...i am learning to be still and listen for His assuring voice.
Last night i went to bed with many mixed emotions. The weekend was wonderfully relaxing, i got some packing done and a few good cups of tea and a book and a few naps...and good rich fellowship. My heart was full and rested. I also had thoughts of "where am i going to live? where should i work? where should i look? rent or buy? should i buy that computer i need now? what kind? what will my finances look like?" To say the least, these questions get my heart pumping and i begin to get nervous...decisions are so hard sometimes! I even had a few thoughts about my current students...i never expected to love this position so much and enjoy teaching in this school - that has caught me by surprise...should i stay?
So my mind rocked back and forth with these ferocious thoughts...as i crawled onto my air mattress...i prayed, "Oh Lord, show me what You want me to do, illuminate each step to me...and calm me down!" As sub-conscious sleep came...a familiar calm fell upon my being. Steady now, Tammie....I am here, remember what I have called you to do.
This morning, my devotions took me to the story of Elijah, in the cave...and the still quiet voice of the Lord. Be Still...and Know i am God. Actually, all weekend, i heard Him whisper to me several times...Trust Me, watch what I will do for you...I am Big, Trust me...will you? Utter, naked dependance....
He met me. I rejoiced all the way to work, bursting with happiness that HE had met me....again! His gentle quiet whisper: Be still...and know!