Showing posts from March, 2013

Transparent Weakness, Perceptable Strength

I want to remember this List.

I feel like I have been doing a LOT of squirming lately.  I am feeling pretty uncomfortable.  Big things are feeling shakey: my work (though I am VERY thankful for daily work) is not stable, an insignificant income.  I feel a lack, an obvious leak in my bank account.  With that anxiety rises as other buttons are being pushed - a little disconnectedness, a bit of aimlessness even though very busy days, fatigue that brings on a weak immune system causing a sinus cold laying me flat for longer than I enjoy.  Thoughts succomb to physical, emotional and mental weakness that sound very much like, "what am I doing? What is my purpose?"

I hit a hard place in my soul, a place where my grip on things and places, people and money is exposed; an utter desperation rises for security, significance, and purpose.  How quickly my flesh seeks comfort in temporary things that burn up, melt away, out of my control or die. 

I fall to my knees as this fiery trial …


HEY!  It's Friday!  There must be something wired into the Day of Friday.  There is a fresh energy in Friday.  It may have something to do with it being the end of the week, we have two days ahead of us that are free.  Weekends are wonderful :-)  Even when it is booked with activities, they are activities usually chosen, not assigned.  Anyhow, I have a full weekend ahead... it should be an adventure.

This morning I am happy over Spring... it's in the air!

I had to laugh at myself earlier this week.  I have been a little stressed, on the anxious side of things, because of money.  Ugh.  I am so thankful God takes care of me, abundantly, and yet sometimes the financial monger sneaks up behind me and bites me.  I limp about for a few days or weeks, I begin to have a complaining, whining tone to my voice, my sleep becomes fretful... and well, I wonder what is wrong with me.  This past week after one particularly bad night of sleep, I realized the big picture and the root of fear …