Transparent Weakness, Perceptable Strength

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I want to remember this List.

I feel like I have been doing a LOT of squirming lately.  I am feeling pretty uncomfortable.  Big things are feeling shakey: my work (though I am VERY thankful for daily work) is not stable, an insignificant income.  I feel a lack, an obvious leak in my bank account.  With that anxiety rises as other buttons are being pushed - a little disconnectedness, a bit of aimlessness even though very busy days, fatigue that brings on a weak immune system causing a sinus cold laying me flat for longer than I enjoy.  Thoughts succomb to physical, emotional and mental weakness that sound very much like, "what am I doing? What is my purpose?"

I hit a hard place in my soul, a place where my grip on things and places, people and money is exposed; an utter desperation rises for security, significance, and purpose.  How quickly my flesh seeks comfort in temporary things that burn up, melt away, out of my control or die. 

I fall to my knees as this fiery trial engulfs me.  Fleeting thoughts wonder what triggered this onslaught of fear and worry.  Was it a particular day, moment, event or interaction that sliipped by my radar? 

As I push through this cloud, this attack, I begin to get angry at how unfair the enemy is: he has no mercy.  He throws his arrows well: he is sly and cruel.  I can analyze and pick over my own actions and thoughts and circumstances to find the trigger that set this storm into place, but in the end, there is an enemy of my soul who isn't playing games. 

So, I do what I know to do: put on God's Glorious Armor. 

He reminds me He is my Rock. 

Hold On Tight.    Hold upTruth.

The Shield of Faith puts out the fiery darts of the enemy. 

Stand, and do all to Stand. 

Wait, and See Him win the Battle. 

Trust Him to Provide. 

He Sees. He Loves. He Saves. 

Count Your Blessings. 

Be Thankful. 

Victory Is Mine as I am In Him!

And Know God will not Fail. 

Breathe. 
 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.  I Peter 4:12-13

 

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