Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Father's Love

The sun is shining today.  It's cold for this southern, Florida blood gal, so each ray of sunlight gives me hope that Spring will come.  This morning as I drove the back roads to work, I felt a little dismal in my soul: the trees are naked, the sky was a little on the grey side, it's been overcast, rainy and dreary a few days too many for my taste.  Though I enjoy the change of seasons as opposed to the lack in Florida, I don't relish that winter seems to drag on.  I know blossoms and buds will soon enough burst but I just kind of felt the weariness of winter this morning. 

I have other reasons for feeling a little on the down side of things today, that is just life sometimes.  But, I am having a good hair day. (smile)  I am enjoying my sub assignment today, though the first class viewed a movie that was emotionally moving. That happened a few weeks ago in another class who watched "Blindside": though I had seen that one before, somehow, viewing it in a classroom full of teenagers made my tear trigger that much more sensitive.  Don't want to be known as the "sub that had a meltdown in our class!" Ugh!

More emotional weepiness cloaked me recently as I assisted a wedding this past weekend.  The love between the bride and groom was sweetly tearfully tangible.  I was assisting the photographer, thus privy to some very sentimental moments.  It nearly broke my heart.  And that was REAL life, not a movie!

My own real life involves some emotional messiness in facing a hard decision: an opportunity to trust God deeper, even though I don't perfectly understand (will we ever this side of Heaven?).  It seems to be a running theme lately: trust God, relying more fully upon Him, in all areas - emotional, physical, and mental.  It's a lifetime theme.

I have a tendency to want to understand everything. It drives me. Sometimes it is a blessing to be this way, at others a curse.   I have questions!  I don't want to do the same thing again, no repeating the same mistakes: all good motives there, right?

Thankfully, I am growing.  BUT how nice if the process were a little faster!  Yet in the process of yielding to His Leading, walking one step at a time over, around and through hard stormy places, my faith grows and I see His heart more and more. 

Yesterday, I saw a clip from Fiddler on the Roof.  It was the scene in the play in which Tevye, the father, is congratulating his oldest of the match he has made for her.  Her beautiful blue eyes are filled with horror: she is to wed the local Butcher, a man who is as old as her father, albeit wealthy.  She would have no worries!  Oh, but she loves another and she is trying to plead her case.  The line that gets me, I cannot quote precisely, but it's something like this:

Tevye: "But we made an agreement!"
Daughter:  "But Pa-pa, am I not more important that an agreement?"

In that moment we see the love of a Father flow out of his heart upon his daughter.

Yes, she is more important!

The love Tevye has for his daughter dissolves the illusion of the good match: making her marry a man not made for her heart would bankrupt her of a rich love.  We see their naked hearts.  Hers desperate for freedom from a loveless marriage, release to marry the one she loves; His realizing how precious she is to him and this agreement would be the end of her.  She cries out to him, climbing up into the heart she knows her father has for her: for protection, for hope, for freedom, for Love, for Life. 

This deeply touched me.  Isn't this a beautiful picture of God's love for us.  When we are afraid, hurt, wounded, and confused, we can cry out to a Father who sees and hears.   A Father who knows our hearts as opposed to Tevye who got caught up in tradition, our Heavenly Father perfectly knows us.  He is always inviting us to crawl up into His Perfect Love: the place we can be covered, protected, known, accepted and free. As we see Him for who He is, our hearts are healed and restored.

"Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:10-11 

I am realizing more each day that perfect understanding is not what God wants: He wants me to know and rely on Him. In seeing Him in the pain or even just the everyday life, my heart is healed and made free.

Knowing Him is what it is all about; Knowing who we are in Him... is freedom.  

And we are so important to Him! 

 "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.  Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke 12:6-7

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