Crazy Love

God has been doing so much in my heart and I feel at times I am about to burst with excitement over Him. Over the past two plus years He has been gently walking me through dark shadows of doubt, anger, confusion and lies I was allowing to live in me. The biggest burst of light came on Valentines day.

Before I share what He did then... I need to walk you back a little bit. When I was 14, I experienced profound spiritual growth - as well as physical, mental, emotional transformation. I remember having one of my first revelations of spiritual understanding; the First and Greatest command. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind and love your neighbor as yourself." God opened my eyes to understand this wonderful command; if we did this there would be NO problems, all would be perfect. I could literally SEE it and I prayed God would help me to Love Him and others. This revelation is like one of those memory stones you put in your bag as you journey through life, I have never forgotten it.

Fast forward to Valentines Sunday, 2010: the air is full of the theme of love. Before the message a video about love was shown up on the powerpoint screen. It flashed through familiar verses about love.... one of which was the First commandment. That one flashed out to my heart and God began to wipe some grime off the windows of my heart. That last part of that video was the famous Love Chapter... I Corinthians 13. God did something with that... He turned it upside down.

"Love is patient....kind...not easily angered... love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth....always protects...always trusts... always hopes... always perseveres."

In the midst of my personal pain... I began NOT to trust, NOT to hope... NOT to see the truth... I was angry... and NOT patient towards God. In a very tender moment, the TRUTH of this sliced my heart... I realized; I was not loving God. My heart broke over this reality. I seriously don't remember much of the content of the rest of the service that morning, the conviction in my heart was so great. We haven't had many alter calls in my little church but that morning our pastor opened the alter. I had to go forward... and repent for not Loving Him.

That day shines bright for me as I realized what love looks like: God is totally trustworthy - I can trust in Him; He is a God of Hope - I can hope in Him. He always leads me in Truth - I can rejoice in His Truth. I am to protect and revere His Name - and with His strength I can stay faithful because He is faithful to me. He is to get my HIGHEST and my BEST! In a magnificently BEAUTIFUL way, He opened my eyes to see so clearly how to love, He is SO WORTHY. Love changes EVERYTHING!

This is truly where our Faith begins - looking at Him, trusting Him.... Loving Him.

3/25/10 - Must add a thought... much of this also was gleaned through reading Nee's Book, "The Normal Christian Life" - one part spoke of our simple, yet profound trust in God's love for us... that everything that comes into our lives He uses for working His Image, through His loving magnificent power - it is for our BEST; when we can see His Love, understanding the width, depth, height and span of His Love - our heart can rest in accepting and growing through all things, seasons, circumstances - hard, easy, confusing, hurtful, blissful; whatever, because of HIS love... we can accept, grow and understand Him more through them... We will find Him when we seek Him with all our heart.... and life can either press us towards Him... (sometimes it feels like we are groping in the darkness, saying "okay, God, where are you?") or shut us down and imprison us in deeper darkness. The darkness sometimes takes time to move on it's way... but as I have pressed through... I am experiencing such a new, bright view of Him today!


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