Trekking with Me

 It's been a minute. Journaling a few sentences each day has helped loosen up my writing juices.  So with a little extra motivation from a book called, "The Joy Switch", a golden list seemed appropriate to try to get my writing flow moving again! 1. The deep blue skies and beautiful sunshine of this winter day.  2. Watching my dogs jump high to catch the bright orange tennis ball, such skill! 3. My crazy ball-chasing GSD were quite winded, and on our way back to the house, they discovered a crystal clear deep puddle of water in the road-side ditch that totally delighted and cooled them down.  Their faces of delight were just too cute for me to forbid them from jumping in. That is what hoses are for! 4.  I feel great! In the first week of a January Whole30; my body seems to be enjoying the clean food without the sugar withdrawal!  5.  Better mental state: I notice with the good feels, my critical part has quieted down and a new joy, appreciation part ha...

 It's a rough season.   I have been in quarantine the last 5 days, my husband isn't letting me out of my space.  Initially I have felt fine, just taking precaution after being exposed while at my parents.  This morning, when applying some oils on my stuffy ears, I noticed I did not smell the oils, which normally has a lovely strong cinnamon, clove, orange-y smell.  Nothing.  First true COVID symptom: bummer.  So, today I have given into the tiredness and slept.  I don't feel awful, just rundown.   It's been a hard emotional season these past few months.  My parents are not doing well: dad has been mom's best caregiver over the last year, pushing her to improve. Her health has been very fragile since her major episode back in October of 2019.  Having an enlarged heart, congestive heart failure looms over her and she has had more and more "episodes" from pulmonary edema: liquid in the lungs.  Dad has pushed, pulled, and...

I GOT MARRIED!!! June 14, 2020 I said "I do" to Mr. Roger Payne. Now, I am a Payne :-) God brought me this man; exactly what I needed, more than what I asked for, and definitely not what I expected or imagined: he is so much more.  It's been six months now, and I still am in wonder that I am finally married!   He loves me so well.   Our story wasn't a fairy tale, I quite literally fought my way to the altar: he fought for me.   I had to work through a lot of my stuff: I had to fight through my own preconceived notions. I chose to embrace a man who showed me character beyond what I had ever witnessed before.   He fought for me.   God helped me.   For me, it was a step by step process: like I said, it definitely was not what I expected.  Roger continued to show me he loved me even when I ran, or felt like running, and his love won my heart, and confidence. And I said "Yes!"   And... I got to wear the most beautiful wedding dress,  be celeb...

Hello!  This is an OLD unpublished blog post... it is significant in my walk with Jesus.  I share... even though it is a few years old. (August 2018) It's a great Wednesday here at home, summer as come, graciously opening up my schedule to sit here in my ugly orange chair, sip coffee, and savor the sound of my H/VAC unit humming to keep my house cool as the heat and humidity sizzle my yard in Columbia, SC. Care to join me for coffee?  Please ignore the objects strewn across the guest bed which dual purposes as my foot rest, the empty breakfast plate, and the snoozing furkids.  Make yourself at home!  How have you been? What is God doing in you? My transition into summer is always an adjustment; the adrenaline begins to fall, the to-do list lengthens, appointments and coffee dates are scheduled, and blogging mornings like this anticipated.  Still, adjustment happens, sometimes not so smooth.  Often I feel I am such an odd duck, here is what I have ...

Happy Christmas to you! This is for those, like me, who may have woke not with scurrying tiny toes and bounces of little tots excited to see the morning light of day, but to a quiet, stillness to this holiday morning. I noticed an extra stillness this morning, as a little part of my "family" is not present.  I had to say goodbye to my little precious kitty yesterday.  My "Pud" (Puddie cat) was a gift of God's love to me for 17 years.  She was given to me in 2001, as a gift from one of my sweet students who learned that I lived alone and felt I needed the comfort of a pet.  My student accompanied me to the humane society animal shelter to pick out the perfect little purr box:  this little tortoise calico kitty grabbed my attention when she swatted at my hair from a crate she was housed in.  She was laying in a twisted position so to reach out her playful paw under the gate, seeming to say, "Hey! Pick me!"  Her paw was her trademark. That little ki...

It's 2018! A few weeks in now, and it's looking to be a good year already.  Before we focus on the brightening horizon ahead, I want to make some acknowledgements of some significant events of 2017. 2017 was a roller coaster of a ride for me.  It had some breathtaking climbs and unexpected falls with twists and turns.  It was not only this figuratively, I had several opportunities with friends and family to literally ride world-class roller coasters on a few occasions(Yes, I rode The Fury at Carowinds!!); something I had not done in many years.  Obviously the metaphoric parallels did not escape me. 1. Some of my higher, sweeter moments include doing a few rounds of Whole30  - an elimination 30-day diet that can change your life if you embrace it for what it is designed to do!  It's more than a diet, it's a transformation of how you relate to food, opening new understanding in how our body responds to foods.   The results/fruit of going through thi...

Am I really on the other side?  The air is fresher, my legs ache less, my arms freer, and my mind more clear.  The gravel crunches under me as I trod along, my feet moving in their unique, steady stride, even the ground is less resistant.  My hands grip the straps which come over my shoulders holding my now lighter pack.   My backdrop is painted with ominous clouds dancing in the sky.  Far-off drums the storm, the shouts therein fading.  Tossing a gaze behind, I gasp: the colors of deep purples, maroons, grays, oranges and pinks plum, mysterious with beauty and treasure.   Filled with wonder, I turn my gaze.  I'm thankful to see the bright sky ahead.  Remaining drops of rain wiggle and fall away with each new step.  In my pocket a few small stones roll about, smooth and rough; my thumb and fore-fingers feel for them. Each from my not-so favorite places, albeit significant.  Have I really come through, to this new place? ...

I am part of a writing group.  My first challenge - is to write about school lunch.  What comes to mind when you think of school lunch? My mind travels back to my elementary school cafeteria, with it's speckled, shiny floors and columns of tables filled with kids chattering away.  Glowing light flowed through the long windows which lined the clean, boring creme-colored cement block walls.  A stage was on one end, usually with a dark heavy curtain pulled to hide the empty area. The serving area was on the opposite end.  That was where I would see a lady who attended my church; she always had a warm smile for me, under her tight graying bun hair, covered with a spider-web like net and a small paper cap.  Her name was Mrs. Hogan; in typical southern fashion, I called her by her first name, Selma, always with the respectful southernly title of "Ms." The cafeteria always seemed so very loud, so much so I would put my fingers in my ears.  A line of kids ...

"Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me!" Psalm 66:16 The story of Hannah is one which most women can identify; a woman who has this deep desire, a desire which tears her soul up in anguish at times.  One which she tries to ignore, push aside, surrender, give up, and not allow to control her, yet... it is there, by design, on purpose... because she is a woman by nature.   Her heart is created to have these things .... this thing.    Even when we have... other things that are gifts to our hearts; a great community, love of friends, a husband, even significant roles we play.. there often is something that is missing... and though the desire can go dormant... it raises it's head in seasons, year after year... haunting us... and we feel the deep grief of the lack. Hannah's grief can be felt by us all as we read her story.... we all know that feeling, and anguish... whether it be for a wayward child, a husband, a child, lo...

Happy New Years!! So what in the world happen in 2016.... Dear friends got married... and had a baby in ONE year.... that seems almost magical to me especially that she was over 35... there is hope for me???  Marriage is still a hope but I am doing alright single.  Just for your information - free of charge! I had lots of family adventures which included Alaska, Florida, Georgia, Kansas City and South Carolina. Health and Simplification... A 5k and a 10k were completed!!  Cooper Bridge run -5th year!!  Martin Luther King Run - First and training for second. I completed my first WHOLE30!  This was an amazing experience and I am starting my second one tomorrow!! " The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying up! " - WHO KNEW but this truly has transformed my life! I have embraced the process and since November I have gone through my clothes, jewelry, toiletries, filing cabinet, and miscellaneous trappings! Through this process, I have created a beautiful, or...

So this past month I embarked upon an adventure: I have been been doing a body-reset program called " Whole30 ".  The program is very intense, with straight-forward guidelines: basically you have NO sugar, No grains, and No dairy, for 30 days. When I first realized what it was about and what you were suppose to do, I was like " NO WAY! I could not do that! "  Yet, always the cheerleader for health and holistic living, I proclaimed to my friend who was saying she was going to do it, " I will do it with you to support you! " September 30, after 10PM I ate my last 3 Tim-Tam cookies, fully dunked in a creamy cup of tea, saying a sweet farewell to sugar, grains and dairy-laden drinks for my next 30 days!! And what an adventure it has been.... Typical Whole30 breakfast: I have always eaten eggs and coffee,  but now I was omitting cheese, toast, and cream!! ...The first 48 hours I experienced flu-like aches, crankiness, headaches, as my body screamed...

I love Palm Sunday! I savor this day because of an experience I had when I was 14; I was a resident student at a place called "Edgewood Children's Ranch" - a wonderful place God tenderly deeply set my feet firmly in Him. On this day, my dorm mom, Terry Hotalen Newman, woke us up, wearing her usual African wrap, waving her hands in the air, telling us how in Africa, the villagers all gather palm branches, and come to church singing and waving them high, celebrating the events of our Savior!  Somehow, that vision planted in me such a vibrant excitement of this day!  Jesus came to town, on a donkey, and God revealed Himself and allowed Himself to be lifted up, in praise!  The whole earth recognized HIM that day... a week before His being lifted up on a cross and resurrecting... from the dead!! Ever since, I feel such a wonderful celebratory anticipation of Him on this day!  It's almost, almost, as exciting as Easter! Are we celebrating and welcoming HIM into ou...

It's Friday night, and I am home, and I hardly know what to do with myself. You see... I am so happy to be home because the last 2 months, I believe I have been busy almost every single weekend: weddings, trips, retreats, guests staying with me - busy, busy, busy!  So much so, my house, my laundry, my yard have pretty much gone by the wayside. I am feeling that horrible feeling most females can identify with: I AM A MESS because my house, my yard, my life seems to be a pile of disorderliness! I literally started having a meltdown this week, my to-do list was growing, and I was feeling weak and overwhelmed... all because I have not had time to take care of me. Yeah... i can hear some of you mom's of young kids saying, "I can't even remember the last time I took care of me..." Well... being single, remember... I am the only one who takes care of everything... even if "everything" doesn't include kids and a husband: I still have to pay the bills, ...

Good Morning! This morning's Golden List ... 1.  Celebrating and enjoying a day off: love that I had no alarm to wake me.  Dark January chilly mornings make for stay-in-your-pj's-longer and coffee that much more cozy & delicious. 2.  I so appreciate the community of friends God has given to me.  I love that these relationships are maturing in depth of insight and love.  I enjoy making new friends but I am so thankful the rich deeper levels of intimacy that grow through walking with others over a good length of time. 3.  God's provision:  I have had to deal with some ...shall we say... interesting circumstances of late, and I see God's hand holding me as I worked through making decisions, having conversations and taking actions which would be hard for anyone.  He is good in providing me the strength, support, and insight for each step. 4.  My furkids:  they bring a smile to my face each morning with their own little personal...

Oh goodness!! I sit here in my cozy quiet room, "oatmealing" after a long Monday. I feel so stirred with joy, happy energy... yet not enough energy to actually go running or anything.  But... I do want to write.  It's been so long that my normal writing juices are not really flowing but I can't let this blog go dormant week-after-week, month-after-month! So... I will start with my " Golden List " theme I have used on occasion to see how it goes.... 10 Things I am thankful for Today.... 1.  I am so thankful for rainy days...weeks... well, it's been rainy and grey so long around here lately that we are beginning to called it "Seattle of the South!"  But...something about rainy days just feels cozy and romantic and I am embracing that!! 2.  Change of Seasons... This year I have noticed more how darkness falls so early...and, I have fallen in love with the soft lights of the city, the reflection of the lights on water, the way dusk quiets the...

"Grace that is greater than all our sin..."  Bart Millard melodically sings through my speakers...and I feel the comfort of that Grace fall over me, reminding me of the great lessons of grace I have learned these last few years.  God is so very good to me. So as I enjoy another ginger snap cookie dunked in my evening tea (oh so good!)...I am filled with a deep thankfulness.  What a sweet place God has brought me into... after so long and deep a struggle these past two years!  These past few years have been very challenging, evidence being here: absence on this blog.  I confess, it was all I could do to keep myself up straight and pull my foot out of the mud to take one more step, to push through another day. Through these past two years, I have felt emotions rise in me that are usually very dormant, controlled and to some degree understood, yet here they were rushing up, dark and threatening.  As I sought to work through these, through my daily battle...

"Coming home is always wonderful and lonely..." I just messaged that to a dear friend on Facebook. Here I sit, mid-morning, feeling droggy (i made up that word) as I look over the next few days.  My house is cool (thank you LORD for a/c!), Sasha is snoozing on the rug at my feet, and it's just a gift of quietness... and alone-ness. I have just spent the past five days traveling to Florida, visiting family, enjoying time off to go, visit, and connect with those I don't see as often as I would like.  An odd stomach bug attacked while away so I have returned a bit more drained of energy than normal.  Though the lonely-feeling is normal; my house is covering only me, not having a housemate makes it feel very lonely.  So, I am praying for God to fill my yellow room with just the right personality! Yesterday, on my return drive, I was delighted to catch a sermon.  I think it was John McArthur, which I have not actually ever heard before, though his name soun...

Man it's been a long while since I have blogged.  I have been in survival mode, fighting through, keep'n my gaze high as I can, sloughing the mud off and out of my eyes, and trusting that there was some reason for this trench.  Things have been shifting in me in the last few weeks.... I am starting to dream again.  I am starting to gaze through the grey and see sunshine and possibilities in the clouds!  Yet, I believe it's more than mere possibilities, I believe its the edges of the reality of who and what I am. I have learned a lot.  God has given me mooch-o much, that I can't hoard - hoarding kills life.  So, I want to share all HE has given me and proclaim that HE DOES give life abundantly.  He has created us to live... to glorify and honor our Maker. That is what I intend to do, starting now. Since you are trekking with me, you have seen my journey, my "a-ha" moments and dismal days.  I have fought many years to "find" my purpose and c...

Every now and than a song comes along that weaves words into melody, and carries the words and cries of my heart perfectly.  This masterpiece draws upon Psalm 23, which is a familiar passage to many but one that has grown in depth of meaning to me, as God has drawn me by His Light and Revelation, beneath the words to His Spirit and Life. "I Shall Not Want" Lyrics: From the love of my own comfort From the fear of having nothing From a life of worldly passions Deliver me O God From the need to be understood From the need to be accepted From the fear of being lonely Deliver me O God Deliver me O God And I shall not want, I shall not want when I taste Your goodness I shall not want when I taste Your goodness I shall not want From the fear of serving others From the fear of death or trial From the fear of humility Deliver me O God Deliver me O God

When one works a long full week, Saturday is always a welcome gift.  I pretty much face-planted into the weekend.  It was a long, not-bad, hard week.  I celebrated by watching two episodes of Foyle's War and popping an herbal sleep supplement before finding slumber last night.   Not sure if it was the effect of the supplement or if I was just that tired, but I slept hard, even with Kitty's 2:30AM food demand.  I came to consciousness around 7:30, knowing I had to be on my way to an appointment by 8:30.  I stumbled out of the house by 8:27 still feeling in a fog and not fully conscious.  I brought Sasha along as I felt some guilt in neglecting her and wanted to go for a jaunt in a local trail on my way home from town.   All in all, my first two hours of Saturday were spent doing things I normally find delight and joy yet as I stomped through the local woods, I was anything but delighted or joyed.  An all too familiar rant of complain ...