I am thankful for this blogsite. God has used it to help me have an outlet of the things in my heart, to express myself. Tonight, i have a few thoughts....

The past few weeks have been something amazing to me. I feel like a door has opened in my life and sunshine is flooding in and around me as i step forth into a new place. I assume we all have things in our lives that we have spend a lot of time trying to figure out why it happened, where we messed up, why we seem to repeat patterns that are stupid and we swim around (or I swim around) in a place that is dark and depressing. I am one of those people who think alot...and sometimes i begin going down this spiral of questions finding no answers, digging a deep dark hole...then i begin to say, "LORD, HELP ME OUT OF HERE!"....He is so patient to come and pull me out....then, somehow, sometimes, i go back and look down that dark hole....my feet get too close to the edge and the dirt gives way and i fall back down...."Lord, HELP!"..... I think we judge the Israelites far to harshly about those forty years of circling in the wilderness.

As i said, the past few weeks have been a wonderful time of fresh healing for me. My confidence in the Spirit of God IN me and simply TRUSTING my Lord when i don't understand...have grasped me in a new way, a living way, and I praise Him for the Light and Life He is giving me. Washing me with His Beautiful Word and making me clean - getting the dirt off me from that hole....those holes...and loving me through, up and onward. He is so good. So amazing....

One way He has helped me stand more confidently is through a study i am doing by Beth Moore: Stepping Up. This past week the parable of the sower and the seed has brought new freedom to me. If we eat the Seed (the Word of God) and don't sow it...it will not bring us a harvest. Something even more beautiful broke my heart ...sometimes it seems we are losing something when we sow the seed....but God will bring something WONDERFUL of the seeds we sow. How often i have weeped over a recent struggle....and those very words have been what my heart have cried, "Lord, i am losing something so precious...." How wonderful to know, HE WILL DO SOMETHING WONDERFUL with what i am entrusting to HIM! How freeing that is!

So...the title of my blog tonight: Dreams. What does this have to do with what i am saying. God uses dreams in my life. It seems when my heart, mind and soul are wrestling through issues....and i can't find resolve, God meets me in a dream. He did that last night. I dreamt of something i deeply desire....but in the midst of getting there i crashed....again...but i continued on; I was wrong to do it in my power....and as i dreamed, it was like the Spirit was speaking to me CLEARLY....He wants to do it. When He does it...it will be right, peaceful...and OBVIOUS. It will be beautiful too. Instead of waking with a heavy heart of my mistake, my futile efforts....this morning i woke with joy and a light heart! Thank You Lord for showing me myself...and Loving me in it and through it!

I know i have spoken about deep things in a vague way...but, i guess if you can hear what i am saying....you will understand, and rejoice with me!


:..Rebekah..: said…
I hear, understand, and am rejoicing with you friend. God has used blogging to teach me and to help me understand some things too. Thank you for such honesty from your heart and for sharing it with us. God bless!
WOW - wonderful post - I have gained so much in just that last month thru my blog. I have learned alot and just feel so open to express my beliefs.

Thanks for blessed thoughts.. M
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I was thinking of my comment and realize I really do not understand. I understand the part of looking back and wishing I had done things differently and over analyzing situations. But as for understanding you or even knowing you..as a person..I do not. I feel that I have not known you since YWAM and even then I do not remember really talking and spending a lot of time together. This is my fault..reading your blog is like reading the feelings and thoughts of a stranger. I am thankful that I get to start to understand and take time to hear what is in your heart. I do pray with all my heart that you get the desires of your heart.
Hey Tammie ~ I wish I could give you a name..umm..Miss Tammie is all I can think of..real orginal here!

Thank you for your kind words and thank you for just sharing with me. Relationships can be difficult. Why we react to certain things. I sometimes get frustrated in how do I not know WHY I react some ways! I mean I am with myself all the time..I should know. Right?! It is a matter, for me, healing. I react a lot of times by how someone treated me in the past. It is amazing how we see through a small view of our own hurt or pain or even the good and great times. It is a process..I know.

I am sorry what happened to you recently. I pray for restoration and healing for you.

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