My Christmas Present from Jesus

The morning sun had yet to make its appearance, my heart and mind were feeling the dark despair as I mindlessly drove my now familiar route to work.  My normal positive outlook had been under fire for a few months now.  The recent few days had brought on a new grief;  since August, life had taken a turn from lovely light paths lined with poppies to dark, hard and lonely.

It was mid-October, a shocking death had shaken my church, personally I was in a place of despair over work;  again wondering, had I made terrible mistake.  

That morning The Counselor lead my mind to this verse and counseled my soul:

"For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh."

The Spirit led me to realize that this hard place, where I was crying, fussing and complaints were gushing out, was an altar: a place to die.  

That place over there looked a whole lot better than here!  Yet I was here... and there was not reality.  

He led me to see I had to take on death, or rather... lay my "there's" at the cross and invite His Life to manifest itself in me here.

"Lord, I die to my dream and wish for... (fill in the gap with whatever looks greener, softer, more secure, less painful, more joyful, when you are in a hard place), and I ask that the Life of Jesus manifest in me." 

No flash of light came nor did the "hallelujah" chorus ring over my soul, but something began to change in me that day.  

Early on in that struggle I would often say, "I just want to be able to say, I love my job!"

Fast forward to about two weeks ago.  It was a Friday afternoon, I had left my desk in good order and was thankful that the sun was not as low in the sky as to blind my eyes on my drive home.  My heart was light and I heard someone say, "I love my work."

WHO WAS THAT? WHAT WAS THAT?... That was ME! :-) Did I just say that? Yes, I did!!

It was a miracle... I can't even tell you how great it was to feel that way, and hear myself say that - with such spontaneity! 

I love how God works.  Really, the more effort I put into changing myself the deeper & darker my hole became; the greater I surrender, the lighter the work and the greater change I see in myself.  

He is the Great Counselor, Healer, Transformer... and Lover of our Souls!

He deserves all the glory!  
What a wonderful Christmas Present!

Comments

Debbie said…
Thank you Tammie. I've been feeling much the same way myself. Also since about August. Unemployed and praying for guidance..."Lord, I die to my dreams and wishes, and I ask that the Life of Jesus manifest in me...the more effort I put into changing myself the deeper & darker my hole became; the greater I surrender, the lighter the work and the greater change I see in myself."
Thank you Jesus.
Tammie H said…
Debbie, Thank you for your comment! I pray that the Lord meets your need for work and peace over His perfect provision.

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