The Happy Drug
This week I had two different doctor appointments: one with the eye doc and the other with the dentist. Both made me HAPPY! Just call me weird.
Turning 40 has flipped some kind of switch! Over the last year or so, I have had more and more difficulty reading names on rosters or my Bible. I have been using my online Bible reading guide, reading the Word from a computer screen makes it bigger, but seems a lot less holy than holding my Bible! It finally got so bad that I went running to the eye doctor.
I will admit, I am a little bit excited to get new reading lenses in my new scripts; I may even post a self portrait with my new glasses when they come. I have new contacts too, and my doc recommend I simply buy a cheap pair of reading glasses to have when I am wearing my contacts. I can't wait! Seriously! I have been straining to see for over a year and now, problem solved! Yah!!
My second medical visit this week was with my dentist. I was scheduled for an extraction of a molar. It's been due for a few years. I was praying and hoping it would keep until I had insurance. Praise the Lord, it did! To double my blessing my dentist is a wonderful Christian and as they were cleaning up after surgery, he sat next to me and prayed powerfully over me. I was so blessed; he not only prayed for my healing but for me as a person with a significant calling on my life. I was in tears from joy and not pain as I left his office.
He loaded me up with scripts as this was not your normal cleaning visit. I had a huge hole in my gums. I headed over to Walgreens to pick up the Rx. My doctor's office warned me about one of them. It was to help me sleep, it was a narcotic.
Now, I rarely even take pain medicine so I really did not know what to expect. I was concerned about the sleep aid because I had to get up and go to work the next day. When I expressed my concern, the receptionist said for me to take it by 6PM, but warned me NOT to drive after taking it. I was still a bit unsure so I popped one in at 5:30. By 6:15, I could not keep my eyes open as I watched the news! I felt pretty... good! I kind of swaggered myself back to bed from the couch. My body did not fall asleep but it was definitely whoozzie.
I felt really good when I woke up the next morning and had a pretty good day. So, last night, I took another one just for good measure. As the drug kicked in, man, oh man... I felt HAPPY and sleepy. It was such a wonderful feeling! I know why people can get addicted to this stuff! I was laughing about everything... even reading a blog about loneliness, I was like, "I am not lonely, how can any one be lonely if I am this happy?" With that thought I shut my computer, forebidding myself to post an update on facebook or attempt to blog - though everything I was thinking was hilarious! I went to bed and slept like a woman in a comma.
Drugs are amazing! A good nights sleep is AMAZING too. I don't think I have had such a good solid night's sleep in a long time, at least not like that one. I felt like a new person in the morning!
Before that drug induced happiness, I did have some enlightened thoughts. I realized I did enjoy having doctor visits - a solid hour or so with someone solely interested in me! I have heard some single friends say they get a massage if only for the healthy, safe physical touch of another human being. How powerful this hunger is in us!(IN ME!) My heart and soul have been struggling these last few months; having time with someone who gave me attention, even if only for my medical needs, was refreshing! Not that I don't have friends, as I do! I have a wonderful supportive community, I am so thankful for them; yet... my soul was blessed through touch, focused attention and care!
Especially now, as I am walking through a rough valley. When in such a challenging place, large part of me wants to just quit and escape. Rough days, weeks and months stir up a cry for companionship, to be known and cared about; someone with whom to talk over my day, and then sometimes, I simply want to go bury myself in a hole. It's just too hard!
But I can and will testify that God is doing a deep work through this valley. My sister in love said this phrase in her blog, "Why this valley?" This particular place touches areas that are sensitive and vulnerable! Maybe that is precisely why He chose this valley. I have had a lack of "happiness" and I have shared that with others. YET... I can say with joy, He is doing a good work in me and He is with me. He is building me up; He has given me comfort, healing, strength and rest. I want to experience His victory and see the defeat of my "enemies" - without and within - at times it is hard to SEE this, and maybe I won't see it completely for a while.
Ultimately I want to know His loving presence in my struggle: that is the victory!
I am thankful for the "happy drugs" - they help in the physical healing process, but Jesus Is my Victory when my heart and my flesh fails.
"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed;perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body." 2 Corithians 4:7-10