Prim Plans pale to His Power
This past weekend God did something that I don't want to forget. If your life was written as a biblical account, how would it sound? This past weekend would have been a "God-Moment" for sure in my account.
As you know if you have been reading my blog, I have stepped back into the classroom; with that comes new and old ground. The old ground is not necessarily my best moments, and honestly, feelings, I did not want to repeat. But, in a God-like fashion, He gives redeeming experiences, to reframe, so-to-speak, things that seemed painful yet hold eternal treasures of joy and beauty. Not sure if that makes any sense to you - but I guess I am trying to say, sometimes the things, times, relationships, or experiences that have caused us deep pain are places we need and must revisit in the power of God, to know true healing. Just a tid-bit from my counselor heart and mind. And since I am living it... It's simply testimony to His glorious work in me.
Okay, so... back on track. I am not so great, well, no, that's a lie: I am HORRIBLE when it comes to creating something out of nothing. I am a visionary, I SEE the big picture, I am a cheer leader and I love to encourage. But, if and when I am ever told, "this is your task, get'er done" with no structure or framing as to HOW to do it or what the end result should look like... I freeze up.
I am one of those kind of people who needs to see the step-by-step process. If I see that, I can pretty much do anything, and probably improve on it because while I am watching something get done - if I am not totally impressed with whoever is doing it, I make "tweaks" along the way as to how I could do it differently or whatever. Not to brag, or make myself look great - it's more of an administrative thing, a people thing. And there are definitely things I CANNOT do at all, even if I watch it over and over. Like bowling: I stink at bowling. As my last scores can attest to... my score may or may not have broken 100. Just sayin'....
So anyhow... what does that have to do with this past weekend? As a teacher, I have a task to teach certain subject matters - some I love, some not so much. Some I know a lot about, some I have to study up a LOT before I feel I am comfortable enough to convey the matter to my class.
So my first full week in my new classroom rounded the corner, and the topic at hand was one that I was somewhat familiar with yet had not handled in a fair amount of time. I was a bit unsure how to approach the subject: how elementary or how advanced should it be. A foggy target rose in the foreground and I had no curriculum guide to follow. Just a standard to meet. Gulp. My brain started panicking. I pictured spending mountains amount of time guzzling down loads of information and then spending just as much time filtering through it to lay out nice bite-size, conceptual, palatable material for my students. The whole process seemed insurmountable: to me it was creating something out of nothing. This is not my best situation. I could feel my creative brain cells shriveling up. I went into my weekend with this heavy task hanging over my head, overwhelmed and fighting off those old, afore mentioned dreadful emotions I had felt in my first years of teaching.
That feeling of incompetence is the emotion I fear! This is exactly why I pretty much dug my heals in against the idea of going back into a classroom. I can teach, but only what I want to teach... Right, Lord? Can't we stay with that?
Well... God has a different task in mind. Teaching me to trust His heart, to rely on His power and wisdom... and rest in His love.
So, He pretty much forced me to play this weekend!
For Real - you read that right.
MY Plan and idea was to spend as much time as I could studying... but He is sovereign, we may make plans but He orders our steps.
So this is how my Saturday fell out:
I woke up around 2:30 AM because my brain did not shut down from the day before. I spent a few hours awake, praying through the anxiety rising in me over the challenge before me. Needless to say, lack of sleep doesn't help creativity.
My parents had come over to fly out early Saturday morning. I had been awake since 2:30, they had to be at the airport by 6:00AM. We left my house at 5:30. By the time I got back home... it was 6:30, I crawled back into bed to sleep.
I began trying to stir around 8:30.
Trying... is the key word. I do not function well on little sleep. But who does?
I had to be ready to be picked up at 10:15. I had to have a cup of coffee. I was barely functioning by the time my sweet friend pulled into my driveway.
A wonderful birthday Tea Room Experience: We had a lovely time. I was coherent enough to enjoy it sip-by-sip!
Upon arriving home... (time to study?) no... my body said, "sleep." (I never feel so tired!)
I had friends coming over that evening - again, planned way in advance. I could not cancel. I enjoy hosting, preparing, playing and talking with my girlfriends. They are treasures in my life. I was not going to cancel! I was alert enough to do all I wanted to do to enjoy them.
NOT ONE BIT of study happened on Saturday.
Somehow, I knew He was over this...
I literally fell into my bed Saturday evening, and slept hard.
Knowing all I wanted to get done Saturday was not done, I planned not to go to church.
But... as I was waking Sunday morning - to a beautiful, unseasonable COOL August morning... the Spirit of the Lord literally "dropped" a heavenly file of wisdom, knowledge and clarity into my head about the subject I was fretting over. He gave me a clear "vision" of the plans for the week, how and what I was to teach: it was so simple, clear and easy! I could hardly believe it!
I was so amazed, I was dumbfounded. I put coffee on... and sat on my front porch. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I realized what He had done for me.
He Is SO Good To me!
He did the "work" for me. He ordered my Saturday in such a way I had no opportunity to get my plans done... but to do things that refreshed me. I literally had no control over it. Then He gave me what I needed:
Is not that just amazing?
And i went to church :-) and was blessed to be a blessing...
As you know if you have been reading my blog, I have stepped back into the classroom; with that comes new and old ground. The old ground is not necessarily my best moments, and honestly, feelings, I did not want to repeat. But, in a God-like fashion, He gives redeeming experiences, to reframe, so-to-speak, things that seemed painful yet hold eternal treasures of joy and beauty. Not sure if that makes any sense to you - but I guess I am trying to say, sometimes the things, times, relationships, or experiences that have caused us deep pain are places we need and must revisit in the power of God, to know true healing. Just a tid-bit from my counselor heart and mind. And since I am living it... It's simply testimony to His glorious work in me.
Okay, so... back on track. I am not so great, well, no, that's a lie: I am HORRIBLE when it comes to creating something out of nothing. I am a visionary, I SEE the big picture, I am a cheer leader and I love to encourage. But, if and when I am ever told, "this is your task, get'er done" with no structure or framing as to HOW to do it or what the end result should look like... I freeze up.
I am one of those kind of people who needs to see the step-by-step process. If I see that, I can pretty much do anything, and probably improve on it because while I am watching something get done - if I am not totally impressed with whoever is doing it, I make "tweaks" along the way as to how I could do it differently or whatever. Not to brag, or make myself look great - it's more of an administrative thing, a people thing. And there are definitely things I CANNOT do at all, even if I watch it over and over. Like bowling: I stink at bowling. As my last scores can attest to... my score may or may not have broken 100. Just sayin'....
So anyhow... what does that have to do with this past weekend? As a teacher, I have a task to teach certain subject matters - some I love, some not so much. Some I know a lot about, some I have to study up a LOT before I feel I am comfortable enough to convey the matter to my class.
So my first full week in my new classroom rounded the corner, and the topic at hand was one that I was somewhat familiar with yet had not handled in a fair amount of time. I was a bit unsure how to approach the subject: how elementary or how advanced should it be. A foggy target rose in the foreground and I had no curriculum guide to follow. Just a standard to meet. Gulp. My brain started panicking. I pictured spending mountains amount of time guzzling down loads of information and then spending just as much time filtering through it to lay out nice bite-size, conceptual, palatable material for my students. The whole process seemed insurmountable: to me it was creating something out of nothing. This is not my best situation. I could feel my creative brain cells shriveling up. I went into my weekend with this heavy task hanging over my head, overwhelmed and fighting off those old, afore mentioned dreadful emotions I had felt in my first years of teaching.
That feeling of incompetence is the emotion I fear! This is exactly why I pretty much dug my heals in against the idea of going back into a classroom. I can teach, but only what I want to teach... Right, Lord? Can't we stay with that?
Well... God has a different task in mind. Teaching me to trust His heart, to rely on His power and wisdom... and rest in His love.
So, He pretty much forced me to play this weekend!
For Real - you read that right.
MY Plan and idea was to spend as much time as I could studying... but He is sovereign, we may make plans but He orders our steps.
So this is how my Saturday fell out:
I woke up around 2:30 AM because my brain did not shut down from the day before. I spent a few hours awake, praying through the anxiety rising in me over the challenge before me. Needless to say, lack of sleep doesn't help creativity.
My parents had come over to fly out early Saturday morning. I had been awake since 2:30, they had to be at the airport by 6:00AM. We left my house at 5:30. By the time I got back home... it was 6:30, I crawled back into bed to sleep.
I began trying to stir around 8:30.
Trying... is the key word. I do not function well on little sleep. But who does?
I had to be ready to be picked up at 10:15. I had to have a cup of coffee. I was barely functioning by the time my sweet friend pulled into my driveway.
A wonderful birthday Tea Room Experience: We had a lovely time. I was coherent enough to enjoy it sip-by-sip!
 |
| Me, at Laura's Tea Room, in Ridgeway, SC. You choose from 100's of cups and just about as many hats! |
Upon arriving home... (time to study?) no... my body said, "sleep." (I never feel so tired!)
I had friends coming over that evening - again, planned way in advance. I could not cancel. I enjoy hosting, preparing, playing and talking with my girlfriends. They are treasures in my life. I was not going to cancel! I was alert enough to do all I wanted to do to enjoy them.
 |
| Thanks for taking such a great picture Jomona! I am rarely in my pictures :-) |
NOT ONE BIT of study happened on Saturday.
Somehow, I knew He was over this...
I literally fell into my bed Saturday evening, and slept hard.
Knowing all I wanted to get done Saturday was not done, I planned not to go to church.
But... as I was waking Sunday morning - to a beautiful, unseasonable COOL August morning... the Spirit of the Lord literally "dropped" a heavenly file of wisdom, knowledge and clarity into my head about the subject I was fretting over. He gave me a clear "vision" of the plans for the week, how and what I was to teach: it was so simple, clear and easy! I could hardly believe it!
I was so amazed, I was dumbfounded. I put coffee on... and sat on my front porch. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I realized what He had done for me.
He Is SO Good To me!
He did the "work" for me. He ordered my Saturday in such a way I had no opportunity to get my plans done... but to do things that refreshed me. I literally had no control over it. Then He gave me what I needed:
as... He is the Only One who can create something out of nothing!
Is not that just amazing?
And i went to church :-) and was blessed to be a blessing...
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