Dangers of Being a Single Woman: practicing vulnerability

Right this moment my arms feel like rags, my kitchen looks like a well used workshop with old paint scrapping covering the ugly linoleum, exposed shelves as at least half the cabinet doors are propped up along the walls and bottom cabinet area.   It's a mess.

I am worn out.  I am pushing harder to finish this project before I start up with my school year responsibilities in a week!  (A Week!!) I would like to have my kitchen reassembled, maybe even with a new coat of stain on them by next weekend??? My best helper is showing up Monday, hopefully: Dad, my hero.

I have had some unusual circumstances this week...

On Monday, just as I was unscrewing cabinet hardware and prepping to brush on the paint remover,  I heard a nice friendly knock is at my front door.  A comfortably dressed young man in a bright orange shirt was standing on my porch.  I greeted him, he politely introduced himself.  He had a few clipboard size items in his hands and since it was hot and humid outside, I invited him to come in.  I knew I was in for a sells pitch, but I did not mind.  To be honest, I enjoyed the company.  I asked if he minded if I continued working on my project; he did not and we settled down like old friends for a chat in my kitchen area.

For the next hour or so, he informed me of his product, the advantages and amazing opportunity the company was offering, and how much I would benefit from it!  It was a really good pitch.

I asked all the questions I could, and somehow felt I should go ahead and accept this offer.  I saw my hand sign a paper, and he said, "the installers will be here any minute to install..."

"What!? Are they outside sitting in your car?!"  I was thoroughly surprised at how quickly a team then descended upon my house, with drills and boxes in hand to set my house up with what I just impulsively, and so easily, pretty much thoughtlessly, consented to!

Two and half hours later my old, little simple home was installed with some of the finest, high-tech equipment to insure me and my belongings security.  I even had a "clicky" (a FOB in their terms) on my key chain.  I no longer needed a key to open my doors!

As I went to sleep (I have had no problems falling asleep lately), a little whisper of a question rose in my soul:

"What did I just do?"

I guess it was a loud question because I woke at 4:13AM with it echoing in my brain!

"What did I Just Do!!?"

My home was beautifully quiet, it felt "safe"... but did I not feel safe before?  I don't even remember considering doing this before, except for an occasional question from people passing through.

I truly felt peaceful, I was not panicky or anything.  But, the reality of what this "looked" like began to be a little more clear.  It was weird; I truly did not know what to do.  Had I made a good decision?  Was this a wise choice?  Could I afford this?  It was all so nicely and professionally installed!

It's in these moments I wish I had a husband.  Even a roommate would have been good for me in that moment to help me process what seemed to be a big decision, yet done so impulsively.   I did not really want to discuss it with my parents, that seems like a childish thing to do.  My dad is very wise, and here the deed had already been done; I did not want to face that humiliation.  It was not a "normal" move for my family to have such amenities.  So, I chatted with my brother, in Uraquay, instead.

"I think I did something really stupid..."

He gave his sweet feedback, with tenderness, support and understanding.

I talked it over with the Lord too, and let the whole matter sit for a few hours after looking over the cancelation procedures.   I had a limited amount of time to cancel with no consequences.

Later that afternoon, I called the company.

Being vulnerable with your idiotic decisions is scary yet I felt that I should not blame them for my decision.  Brene Brown's vulnerability talk has been helpful in a few situations these past few weeks, and this was another one I applied her advise.

Be honest with your emotions, own them, be vulnerable.  No need to get angry and blame; yes, it made me look like an idiot, I was embarrassed.  I admitted this to their corporate office.  They offered some other alternative options for me but bottom line, I had to refuse.

"Thanks, come un-install please."

So my home was safe as Fort Knox for almost 72 hours.  I had fun with the FOB; I liked unlocking things with a clicky.

So, this is one of the Dangers faced by single woman.  Big, Idiotic, Impulsive choices can be made in a wink(you don't necessarily have to be single to make B.I.I. choices; thankfully, this one was one that could be fixed without too much residual damage.

In a way, I am thankful this happened.  It helped me practice being mature, vulnerable and not dying of embarrassment and being buried in a monthly fee for the next fives years.

And here I am exposing my embarrassment with you!  :-P  Get ready for more...


John Gunter said…
Great story. . . I had a similar experience with solar panels being installed, so it can even happen to single males!

Great blog!
Tammie Hull said…
thanks! It is my creative outlet... after reading your blog, i am totally inspired...and challenged to write a bit more vulnerably. I have lot's on file...

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