Sidewalk Chalk

Summer is approaching.  I have two weeks of teaching left.  FYI - God blessed me with a long term assignment working in a middle school classroom.  He takes care of me like that!

These past few weeks have been pretty good, then this most previous week HIT.  It was about the longest week of my life, or it seemed like it.  My students seemed to forget the normal procedures; chaos broke out in my classroom like a bad case of teenage acne.  By Wednesday I arrived home in quite a tizzy.

As I tried to see through my flustered emotions, it was fuzzy as to the actual root of my frustration.  It was more than a crazy classroom of pre-adolescence!  Realistically I had been trying to hold a rising issue under water with one hand.

Then I realized...

It's MAY: May is NOT my favorite month as stated in previous posts.   I am facing some major shifting in my relationships.  

Friends and acquaintances that I had not the time to truly build a relationship with but wanted to are moving on from their time at CIU.  I feel the grief of missed windows of opportunities.  

My beloved Pastor, our main teaching guy at my church is stepping down for a while so he can focus more on the ministry he works with; God is blessing, acute pain is felt as I let go of my blessing!  

My new roommate will be leaving in two weeks.

I think I will crawl in a corner and just cry for a few days.

The summer looks very lonely, that is very daunting.  Again.  *gulp*  Thank goodness I can look behind me at similar seasons and know through His Strength I can survive... even Thrive!

The nature of how slippery the sand is beneath my "roots" cause rise to incredible insecurity and longing for a safe place that does not wash away like sidewalk chalk in the rain.  Those kind of emotions can drive very stupid ideas through a single gals head; it's dangerous!  Not that being single contributes to increased stupidity, basic HUMAN-ness, sinful independence and impatience do that to all of us.  Singleness just seems to be an easy excuse, a good self description, an adjective to hide behind.  Another topic for another time; hiding behind something that says you are lacking will never bring freedom or life.  Truth calls us OUT from hiding, exposes the lie and strengthens us to Live in our true identity which IS FREEDOM.

In the midst of the avalanche of realization, He has been speaking to me through His Word, defining Himself as "The Rock, and Refuge." 

I just finished Psalm 71.  Verse 3 has long been a favorite:

Be my strong refuge,

To which I may resort continually;

You have given the commandment to save me, 
For You are my rock and my fortress. (NKJV)

My favorite translation says...
Be to me a rock of habitation to which I may continually come;

Years ago when I was doing lots of research on outdoor education curriculum, the word "habitation" took on a much more personal definition.  HE wants (designed and purposed) me to LIVE IN HIM; not just visit with him or come and go for moments of reprieve or retreat... 

HE IS MY HABITATION: IN HIM I LIVE, MOVE, and Have my being.... 

And HE does not change, move, or abandon.

HE truly is my Rock... and my refuge, my Place of safety.

The Place I am Strengthened, Filled, Loved, Covered and Empowered.

As I shake like a leaf in the winds of change and the rains of the clouds wash away things and people that I love, He reminds me through His word of Who He is to me,  and Where I receive Life.  This song is becoming my theme, My Cloak of Truth to Wear under the drizzle of the rain: