Special Day
Today is my 39th Birthday. Wow. How did I get here so fast?
To be very honest, I have been dreading this day all year. I have been trying to find the break pedal since last birthday. 39 just seems so...., close to 40!
These last few weeks I have had weird emotions about it too. So odd of me, but some birthdays do that to all of us. Slap us around, tell us reality isn't what we had dreamed or something like that. I was wrestling and pushing over the fact I am here and not there, so to speak. Ya know?
Yet God, My precious gentle, wonderful, patient Lord and Love did something for me these last few days...
He breathed on me a truth... Love... Hope... Joy. He changed my perspective.
How? Well, how do you explain how God changes that? This past weekend, I had a lot of time alone. I did not plan it that way, in fact it had been planned otherwise. All my plans fell through. God gave me a rainy weekend, and allowed my emotions to just roll out. I cried tears over a touching movie, I tended to some housekeeping, I slept, I enjoyed being alone. I allowed myself to feel the aches inside my heart, and God met me there.
On Sunday I had a very special time with Abba. He lead me through Psalm 86, and I Cor 7.... and married them together for me. I Corinthians 7 speaks of the gift of singleness, in that it allows one to be completely undivided in serving the Kingdom of God: Loving Him with single minded devotion. At first, I stumbled over that: "Lord, I am trying to do that... how can I do it more completely and how do I balance the desires in my heart and be single minded/undivided at the same time?"
He showed me. Of course, it is beautifully the same answer as in all things. It's not about us TRYING to make ourselves be what we cannot be or do on our own. It's Him living in us. We are complete In Him. He is working out our salvation as we walk with Him in relationship. He teaches us... patiently, gently and powerfully works by His Spirit which dwells in us!
"Teach me your way, Lord,
that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,....
To be very honest, I have been dreading this day all year. I have been trying to find the break pedal since last birthday. 39 just seems so...., close to 40!
These last few weeks I have had weird emotions about it too. So odd of me, but some birthdays do that to all of us. Slap us around, tell us reality isn't what we had dreamed or something like that. I was wrestling and pushing over the fact I am here and not there, so to speak. Ya know?
Yet God, My precious gentle, wonderful, patient Lord and Love did something for me these last few days...
He breathed on me a truth... Love... Hope... Joy. He changed my perspective.
How? Well, how do you explain how God changes that? This past weekend, I had a lot of time alone. I did not plan it that way, in fact it had been planned otherwise. All my plans fell through. God gave me a rainy weekend, and allowed my emotions to just roll out. I cried tears over a touching movie, I tended to some housekeeping, I slept, I enjoyed being alone. I allowed myself to feel the aches inside my heart, and God met me there.
On Sunday I had a very special time with Abba. He lead me through Psalm 86, and I Cor 7.... and married them together for me. I Corinthians 7 speaks of the gift of singleness, in that it allows one to be completely undivided in serving the Kingdom of God: Loving Him with single minded devotion. At first, I stumbled over that: "Lord, I am trying to do that... how can I do it more completely and how do I balance the desires in my heart and be single minded/undivided at the same time?"
He showed me. Of course, it is beautifully the same answer as in all things. It's not about us TRYING to make ourselves be what we cannot be or do on our own. It's Him living in us. We are complete In Him. He is working out our salvation as we walk with Him in relationship. He teaches us... patiently, gently and powerfully works by His Spirit which dwells in us!
"Teach me your way, Lord,
that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,....
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
16 Turn to me and have mercy on me;
show your strength in behalf of your servant;
17 Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, Lord, have helped me and comforted me."
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
16 Turn to me and have mercy on me;
show your strength in behalf of your servant;
17 Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, Lord, have helped me and comforted me."
Then... He gave me a new perspective over this 39th Birthday. It is such a gift, so exciting I can't believe I was ever dreading it!
I have completed my Masters in Pastoral Counseling... I am looking at a very fresh start with everything, I am healthy... to say it better: HE has put me in a very spacious, free place. He continues to show me more and more who I am in Him. It is a beautiful gift to know who you are, in Christ Jesus - complete, full, lacking no good thing!
So it's a Happy Birthday ... From Jesus!
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13
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