Behind & Before

Over the last several weeks I have been looking for work as I finish my school.  I knew I would be without work for a while and had a confidence from the LORD that it was a time to focus on finishing well.  I was sailing through this pretty well until my weeks became a bit too "loose" and scantily scheduled.

When I lack structure to my days, everything seems kind of mushy, undefined, heavy.  I do enjoy having extra time to have long times with the LORD, go on walks, get house projects done, and spend leisurely time with friends over coffee.  Also, it helps to remind myself that 99% of our days I am TOO BUSY so seize the day!

Yet with too much extra time on my hands some predictable emotions and thoughts rise up; boredom, impatience with God's timing, questions of my significance and purpose.  It's when things get quiet, dark, long... that the fruit of buried doubts and fears poke its head up through the soil of my heart.

A few weeks back I noticed I was slipping into an impatient attitude, "Poor me, I need a job, what am I to do..."  I was weary of hearing myself carry on in such a manner!  One particular morning I was assisting with some babysitting.  I was sitting in my friend's kitchen, alone, as the baby was asleep, when I felt the Lord whisper something to me.  It was not really audible, but a clarity came to my mind and heart that threw off the complaining cloak I was wearing.  It was as if the Lord opened my eyes to see what was going on.

He knows where I am, He sees me.

He knows my circumstances, intimately.

He is over it all.  I am in His loving hands.

I am here, doing what I am doing by His appointment, for His glory, to be a blessing to others: BE ALL THERE.

Each and every day has been designed by Him; He knows my needs.

He has gone before me, and behind me.  Rest in his sovereign love and care.

It was as if He gave me new eyes, eyes of faith.  Instead of having a victim mentality, He showed me this was all part of His forward moving good plan.  I have no need to fear.  He is over it all.  The weight of my worry immediately fell off, and the lightness of His Yoke filled me with joy!

Talk about an instant transformation!

He has continued to do this over the past few weeks.  My mind and heart get entangled with some fashion of momentary complexity, then His Spirit sweetly, softly whispers something to my soul.  I know it is HIM because it is so clear, so right, so truthful.  It sets me free. My feet feel the rock rise up beneath me and my soul is wrapped in a heavenly peace.

I am VERY thankful for these whispers.
I am VERY thankful for His patience with me.
I am VERY thankful for His steady hand upon me.

I am VERY thankful for the continual word from Psalm 139,

You hem me in—behind and before; 
   you have laid your hand upon me.  



Comments

notpoems said…
O beautiful. "My feet feel the rock rise up beneath me" -- wonderful words.

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