Deep Stuff

Good Day Ya'll! I hope it is a good day for you - whoever may be reading. Hint: I still love comments.... oh, well, even if none come, this blog is fun for me. But it would be MORE fun if I had more comments. (yeah, I am begging again! ;-) )

So, it's been a while since I actually wrote anything. I hope you enjoyed the song I posted last week. I have probably listened to that song a hundred times now. It simply affirms to me what God has been showing me this summer: He longs for a relationship with me, a close deep, intimate relationship - he is WITH ME, even when I have felt He was not. That is the most beautiful reality He has shown me: even in my deep mess - myself being that mess - He is with me!! For so long, I have wrestled with myself, trying to work out the things I was most ashamed and thought imperfect in myself, imagining God over in the corner, waiting for me to work out my "stuff"... me feeling resentment towards HIM. (how is that for brutal honesty?) I felt abandoned, confused, grossly imperfect and weak... yet, this summer, the LIGHT that those are ALL LIES turned on. He has NEVER abandoned me. He knows me perfectly, intimately and he LOVES me just as I am, in the very place I thought He was not - and get this, by His perfect strength and Gracious Design, will use the very things that I have been sweating over, crying over, fighting over, wrestling over, FOR HIS GLORY. I am speechless. Only God can do that.

One thing that is showing me that this is truly a transforming point for me is that I still feel the hard emotions, namely loneliness, yet I have an underlying peace and joy as I feel it.  He is With me in it.  This makes it such a gift.  A gracious gift - as He made us to walk in relationship, to experience connection and intimacy! We are this way by His Design, and loneliness merely speaks to that truth.  He meets us there!!

Yet I am always with you;
       you hold me by my right hand. Psalm 3:23 

(Note: David is saying this to the LORD!)


So yeah, it has been an incredible awakening this summer. The only Word I heard in the beginning of the summer was "Be Still." He has helped me. He has met me. He has shown me Himself, and myself, in being still. Being still is hard yet so rewarding!  My heart is filled with thankfulness and joy, yes, JOY!

I feel so "full," so peaceful, so aware of HIM, so ready for Life, so abandoned in my trust in Him, so in a place of abundance and freedom.... He is good, So Good.

Whoever is wise, let him heed these things
and consider the great love of the LORD. Psalm 107:43



(if you have the time, Psalm 107 is an incredible Psalm to read as a whole!)

Comments

I struggle with loneliness being married too Tammie. but God is faithful even when I am faithless. It always helps to keep our eyes fixed on Him and not our circumstances, not alwasy easy though. One thing I remind myself, is that I am lonely, but never alone.
Tammie said…
You are so right Christi, I here marriage can even magnify loneliness!! No one person can fill that deep hunger - only God can! God also designed us for each other - and it is a fallacy to think ONE person can meet that need - we need many to touch our hunger and fulfill our hearts - so the networking of friendship, varying levels and degrees of intimacy, all come together as the way God and man sooth our lonely hearts. We are not alone! :-)
Tammie said…
opps, i meant "hear" and not "here"
mamcclanahan said…
Tammie,

And even if I do judge, my judgement is just; for I am not alone, but the Father who sent me is with me. John 8:16

With the birth of my first daughter, Phoebe, I realized poignately, and perhaps for the first time, how deliberately I hid from God because of my gross imperfection. I found myself so lonely, so alone...but I was not alone. Jesus spoke with such confidence that God was with Him. How much I doubt that He is with me. And yet, isn't that the whole point of Jesus coming to earth...to be "God with us." You put this so beautifully. I understand so fully those feelings you express and I am learning too how to trust that He is there, though I am not yet perfect. Thank you for sharing...Martha

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